


It All Ended Up Okay

by shatterthefragments



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Sam, Asexual Sam Winchester, F/M, Masturbation, acesamday, talk of masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:39:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3544712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shatterthefragments/pseuds/shatterthefragments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At twelve, Dean told him that masturbation was pretty much something that happened, so Sam believed him.</p><p>Sam had never experienced sexual attraction or gotten off, and at Stanford, he discovers a word... "asexual"</p>
            </blockquote>





	It All Ended Up Okay

**Author's Note:**

> So Saturday, March 14th, 2015 is acesamday, so I wrote this.

It wasn't as if he ever had role models or examples to explain what he was feeling.

 

John went out drinking, and sometimes never made it back until the morning sun rose. Dean told Sam _all_ about his exploits with various women from each town they passed through...  and some of the things he _almost_ got up to. At each school he went to, all Sam ever seemed to hear about was who  someone thought was hot and who got laid... who people wanted to lay with in the not-so-far future and what they did to get off.

 

Sam didn't understand. He felt alienated whenever he heard these conversations, and even if he wanted to make friends where they were, they never stayed in one place long enough to  get past the posturing stage where everybody's just trying to impress each other. 

 

Although, if Sam were honest, it seemed like  everybody was trying to impress everybody.

 

He got sick of hearing the same things from so many different mouths in so many different towns... in so many different states. .. and never being able to relate to any of the people he gets first impressions of.

 

And that's all he ever had the time to get before moving on  to the next hunt . First impressions.

 

* * *

 

 

Sure, Sam masturbated, but that was mostly because it was expected of him. 

 

As soon as he turned twelve, and Dean noticed that he hadn't already started to spend some quality time alone in a locked bathroom,  Dean had started to talk to him  about “a man's needs” and how it wasn't shameful to need “alone time”  and just to lock the door on the bathroom, and “hey, if you need some reading material...” until Sam gave in and locked himself in the bathroom.

 

Even years later, Sam still thought tha t  there was something wrong with him. He'd never heard of anyone that didn't like sex or masturbating...  even though he masturbated habitually, almost every other night when he wasn't busy.

 

Given, he hadn't actually engaged in sexual activities with another human being, but  he didn't really enjoy like the things that he tried on his own, either.

 

He'd tried just about everything that he could reasonably get his hands on.  Initially, everything he did to himself felt mildly pleasurable...  n othing that brought an earth-shattering discovery of actually liking sex.  But it was only in the beginning of every session where he' d sequester himself in the motel's bathroom  that he felt this way.  It was like scratching an itch that had been bothering you for a while. At first it feels nice, but if you kept going, it hurt or felt  really uncomfortable. 

 

It was only when he got to Stanford that he went to see a doctor about it. Before, doctors and professional medics were only for situations that were close to life and death... but at Stanford, Sam was free to be a normal citizen. So he saved up some money and went to the doctor's office on campus. 

 

What actually instigated Sam's decision to go to the doctor was midterms.They were in full swing, and the stress of school was crushing. Sam knew that masturbating was supposed to be a  stress reliever and, well, he had nothing to lose at this point. But when he lay down in his bed and actually got around to it, yeah, it felt pleasant at first, but, as usual, turned sour and uncomfortable after a short amount of time.  Except this time, he continued on for a little longer, until it became  slightly painful.  Sam may have been hesitant to look up anything before, but he knew that it shouldn't be painful... not with plenty of lube  and without the desire for it to hurt.

 

So he ended up going to the doctor,  who asked him,  after he'd explained what happened with a furious red flush over his face, if he'd ever felt sexual attraction and considered the possibility that he was asexual.  After a physical examination, the doctor said that the slight pain he felt was likely just his mind telling him to stop because he wasn't enjoying it, especially since  he seemed to be in extremely good health. 

  
Sam blinked when  the doctor asked him that.  He'd never heard of the term asexual before, and he'd never really considered sexual attraction.

 

Sure Sam appreciated people that were beautiful, even  thought them  to be hot sometimes.  He'd grown accustomed to going along with the flow and saying things like “Yeah, she's hot,”  to keep people from getting on his case.  But even though Sam would sometimes vocalize things that would suggest the desire for  sexual contact with other people, when he thought about it, he didn't actually want to do anything sexual with anyone. 

 

Sure, maybe it would be worth trying to find someone to try things with that would understand that he might harden a little at the beginning of their time together, but nothing more would come of it.  That he'd never gotten off before, and wouldn't with them.  But Sam then thinks that it would probably best not to try anything. Curiosity can be satiated with porn, but the amount of discomfort that would most likely be in that situation is tangible even  just thinking about it.

 

So Sam and the doctor talked for a little while longer, and when Sam went back to his dorm  and looked up asexuality.

 

Sam  knew the basics from what the doctor had told him, but  he was still surprised that there were other people like him  _and_ similar to him. 

 

He started to hold his head up at events where people would mingle, no longer scared of having to say that he was broken and didn't know what was wrong with him, and could answer with a sense of pride that he was asexual.

 

Eventually he met a girl named Jess.

 

She was as close to perfection as Sam thought one human could be. She was beautiful, kind, smart... and she understood Sam's asexuality, even if she was allosexual herself.  They dated for a while, and decided to move into an apartment together at the end of the semester.

 

They were happy together.

 

Sam was in love with her, and Jess was in love with him. They'd told each other often enough, not willing to let the other go without them knowing that they loved one another. 

 

Sam took some of the money he'd saved up and bought a ring.

 

And then Dean found him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a personal fic for me, because even though I'm not quite sure what sexuality I am exactly, a lot of Sam's thoughts and doubts, especially with the masturbation were taken from myself.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked it!  
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
